When a new couple enters into the therapy process with me I always, even amidst some of the most challenging couple scenarios, feel the wonder and excitement of the enormous potential for healing, growth, and deep love that lie ahead for them. As they begin to realize that the suffering they are experiencing is actually a blessing in disguise; after all, it caused them to strongly desire positive change in their relationship, to cry, to pray, to reach out. A desire strong enough that they manifested a path of healing; they took action and made it into my office, and at this precipice of a much deeper understanding of themselves, one another, and the gifts they have yet to cultivate and receive from their romantic union. As I begin to explain to them the opportunity for transformation that lies before them and the three of us feel into this vision, and see it in our minds eye, this path begins to emerge even more. We will revisit this vision in every session, this vision of a deep, transformative love, a sacred union, both within and with one another as they learn to swim in the ocean of Conscious Romantic Love.

Conscious Romantic Love is so much more than a couple’s therapy process: it is a gateway to spiritual awakening via a romantic relationship. I did not invent this. Even if it was not historically called “Conscious romantic love” this practice  goes way back, for it was practiced and taught in Ancient Egypt, as well as during the time of Jesus, by Jesus, Mary Magdalene and the Essenes who he studied with, it was practiced during the Renaissance Era, and it is happily being practiced (even if others don’t always use the same terminology) by many couples right now.

You may be asking, “What on Earth does couple’s therapy have to do with Ancient Egypt, Jesus, Mary Magdelane, or the Essenes?You see, Conscious love is in essence, soul work, and according to the research of William Henry and many other scholars, these “Wisdom Teachings” were carried down through a lineage that links Ancient Egypt, the Essenes, and Jesus and Mary. They were teaching  how to awaken to one’s Soul, or Higher Self’s purpose which allows one to ascend to a higher level of consciousness in which we come to understand that the inner creates the outer, so we must become mindful of what we allow to percolate in our minds and emotions.

In shadow work we identify the ways in which we have been unconsciously acting out from a wounded aspect of ourselves and learn how to let our Higher Self or Soul love and nurture our wounded inner part and take back the driver’s seat. As we learn to listen to the voice of our higher self we begin to heal and transcend hurtful relationship patterns and become a better nurturer to ourselves and our partners.

The deep growth, healing, and spiritual awakening that can happen on the path of conscious romantic love can help us appreciate being in a romantic union, even if we are experiencing doubt and difficulty within that relationship. For this can’t just be learned in a linear, manner, from a book that we read alone. It must be experienced and felt by two people in a romantic union.

Typically the couples who come into the therapy process with me are no longer in the honeymoon phase of their relationship – obviously this rarely happens! Most often they are in the second stage, what I refer to as the disillusionment stage. In this stage you have come off the pedestals (maybe years ago) and you might have patterns coming up that seem to trigger a core wound within one, or more typically, both of you. This can cause fighting or shutting down to one another. This is actually fertile ground for conscious love. You see, Conscious Romantic Love is about getting better at loving not just your partner but yourself and everyone else in your life, because you are generating a constant flow of love and support from your own inner well- from your Higher Self, or soul.

In the Conscious Love therapy process you come to understand any attachment trauma or core wounds that are driving this pattern where you seem to lose yourself, lose your power, and project “bad other” onto your partner. You learn how to identify any negative stories that you are caught up in about yourself or your partner that are causing you to approach them in anger or a mood of unlove or to shut down to them, (or to begin to assume that there is someone better for you out there.) You learn how to have deeper talks where you clear the resentments that contribute to these low vibration, relationship sabotaging stories. You begin to love yourself more as you start to feel better about your enhanced communication and nurturing skills with your partner, and as you notice that they are more loving with you in return. You come to understand at a deeper level, each other’s emotional states and perspectives.

You come into complete transparency with one another, as nothing is hidden, and you become more soulfully authentic. You develop an understanding of what the voice of your own Higher Self sounds like and what the voice of your partner’s Higher Self sounds like. For as spiritual partners you have conversations about the different inner voices or inner parts of you, how sometimes there is a wounded inner child or adolescent who tries to take the driver’s seat, who has a story of abandonment or engulfment. You learn to decipher the voice of your Higher Self, so that gradually, the negative stories and mental chatter that once misguided you and blocked the flow of love between you are no longer taken as your truth. As this happens, you raise your vibration, become more empowered and soulful, and attract more love and abundance into your life.

Of course, there will be challenges along the way, as all relationships have a natural ebb and flow. Yet I can tell you from my own experience and that of the many couples I have worked with that enhanced faith and trust are yet another huge benefit of Conscious Romantic Love. You begin to trust yourself and your partner more, as you learn to have faith in the power of this more expansive inner love that you are both experiencing. For with the deeper and more constant love flowing between the two of you, now that your hearts are no longer barricaded by any core wound fears, you experience the full capacity of the union of this transformative level of love, often along with steamy tantric lovemaking!

What I can tell you about the science behind this conscious love practice is this: The quantum physicists and neuroscientists are shifting the paradigm of modern day science with their research on the power of our perception and emotion, and this is a powerful arena  in which to experiment! From our inner world of thoughts, perceptions, and emotions, we create, and draw into our lives, our outer world.

In my next blog article I will be sharing my own story of my awakening via Conscious Romantic Love. What I will tell you from now from my own experience, is when you are fortunate enough to enter into Conscious Romantic love, you will still have challenges, but they all come with huge leaps of growth, empowerment, a deepening of your love for your partner, and an overall awaking to your own Higher Self, and your ability to manifest and live a more heart-centered, meaningful, creative, soul-led life.

In love and light,

Christine Dufond, MFT