When I am coaching a client on how to date consciously, I will guide them to take advantage of the spaciousness of being single. It’s such a great opportunity for getting into meditation or journaling and learning more about yourself, the stories you are carrying around that could sabotage your love magnet, and how to fill up your own love tank. It’s an important time to release any unforgiveness about past relationships. It’s also a great time to deepen your connection with friends or family members.
When a period of being single is happening to you, embrace it as part of your needed soul growth experience. Denying this need by trying too hard, or filling the void with someone you aren’t really into (which isn’t fair for them) or getting stuck in worried, lonely, desperate thoughts only pushes the right person further away. Don’t get caught up in the energy drain of chasing love for the wrong reasons; Trying to make someone you met online who you have nothing in common with or who seems emotionally unavailable a romantic possibility. Then bottom line is that conscious dating is not about filling a void with sexual partners or bad fit partners.
So stay on the dating sites, go out to see live music, go to cool workshops, join meet up groups, and do so just for the fun and excitement of it, not because you have an agenda to find “The one.” And don’t be afraid of the lulls, the time in between dating. These times are a great opportunity to get deep into relationship with your own Soul, the authentic, sexy, mysterious, creative, expansive, multidimensional version of you that is always getting better and better. Get into your creative outlets, take that course you’ve been wanting to take, go on that meditation retreat (a great way to meet a conscious romantic partner), or really learn how to play that musical instrument that you have never fully learned how to play.
Embracing being single and finding your happy place with it doesn’t mean you are giving up on your dream of having a fulfilling romantic partnership. It is about staying in gratitude and appreciating all that you have time to do when you aren’t in a relationship. Rather then being in a race to find “The One” you are being honest with yourself about what you need to prioritize in your life at that moment, and it may not be getting into a relationship right away. You are learning to heal the void yourself and attract a High Quality Romantic Partner. Notice the empty or lonely feeling when it comes up and journal about it, meditate, connect to your Nurturing Higher Self and ask for healing, nurture yourself with self care, core wound work, forgiveness work, writing intentions, yoga, cultivating your creative outlets, spending time in nature, making deeper connections with platonic fiends and family members.
When you meet someone and feel that spark of chemistry, make sure the person you are considering dating wants the same type of relationship as you. If you are monogamous, you need to let them know and find out if they are. Of course, you may both be dating a few different people at first, but before you have sex is a good time to share relationship visions, lifestyle preferences, and what monogamy (or ethical non-monogamy if this is your sexual orientation) means to each of you.
If you want conscious romantic love and spiritual partnership you will need to raise the bar by having important criteria and stick to it. You may also need to set aside time for sacred self pleasuring so that you don’t feel sexually deprived while you are holding out for the right person. Our sexuality is sacred. Our body is our temple. Therefore we must honor it and protect it, and keep our energy field open and available for the right fit partner who we can actually experience conscious, lasting, deep romantic love with. I understand this is not the goal for everyone who is out there dating, but this is the goal of conscious dating when we are desiring and prioritizing a lasting, conscious romantic partnership.
Blessings, and happy conscious dating!
Christine